“Brace, Brace”, What Leaders Miss in a Crisis

A few weeks ago, I found myself in a dimly lit conference room in California, leaning forward in my seat as Sam Abadir took the stage at Safety on the Edge. Sam isn’t just a seasoned academic or consultant, he’s someone who’s lived through life-and-death situations, having once led an anti-terrorist platoon in the Egyptian desert. And yet, what struck me most wasn’t the drama of his experience, it was the profound humanity with which he spoke about leadership, safety, and what it means to show up for others.

This line stopped me cold. How often do we assume readiness in our teams without cultivating it? It’s one thing to speak of psychological safety, it’s another to embed it in how people operate under pressure.

Respect First, Like Later

Sam spoke candidly about his early military leadership, where he quickly learnt that being liked was optional, but being respected was non-negotiable. That’s not to say compassion was absent, quite the opposite. But he reminded us that in times of strain, clarity and boundaries offer far more safety than endless empathy.

It’s a sentiment I’ve thought about often, especially in inclusion work. Being ‘nice’ doesn’t make spaces safer. Being consistent, intentional, and values-driven does.

The Silent Killer: Energy Drain

One of Sam’s most powerful insights was that leaders are custodians of their people’s energy. He compared it to a finite reservoir. If we ask our people to run when they’re barely able to walk, we rob tomorrow’s potential today.

How many of us recognise the signs of burnout after it’s too late?

In Sam’s words, those with low but positive energy are often our “recovering believers”, people who still care, but whose spirits have been bruised by bad leadership or systems. We can revive them. The more dangerous group? Those with high but negative energy. They move fast, stir chaos, and often wear the mask of enthusiasm, but cause damage underneath.

Empathy: Use Sparingly

As someone who operates in the DEI space, I had to pause when Sam described empathy as a zero-sum resource.

He warned us that empathy, unchecked, can become an excuse. Especially when relationships override standards. “When someone you like cuts corners, you’re more likely to forgive them. That’s not empathy, that’s bias dressed up as kindness.”

The Secure Base

One of the more tender reflections from Sam was about the importance of a “secure base.” For our children, this might be a literal roof and a warm meal. But for us as adults, it might be a community, a consistent mentor, or even a set of personal values we return to in times of chaos.

That message landed deeply with me. Especially thinking about suicide prevention in engineering. Loneliness is more dangerous than we realise.

Leading with Sincerity

Sam ended with the metaphor of “front-stage” and “back-stage” communication, a concept I’ve adopted already in my talks. Front-stage is the sincere, hopeful message, “We’ll figure this out.” Back-stage is the tougher reality we wrestle with in private.

A timely reminder in the age of polished LinkedIn posts and performative leadership.

Final Reflections

As I left Sam’s keynote, I found myself with more questions than answers, and that’s always a sign of a good session. I kept thinking: Am I managing my own energy with the same discipline I expect from others? Do I allow space for both high performance and high care in my leadership?

The truth is, safety isn’t about perfection, it’s about intention, reflex, and courage. And as Sam reminded us, leadership is not a position. It’s what lives in the hearts of the people who follow us, and how we choose to show up for them, every day.

See Mark in Action!